I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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