so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
