She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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