the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
