i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
