I love black thongs
My first STD was from a foam party
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
