Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
