Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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