maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
