I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
