I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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