ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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