Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
