she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
