I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
