I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
