life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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