You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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