just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
