Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
