last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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