He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got inside last night via doggy door
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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