I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
