Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
