the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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