yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
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Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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