You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
