When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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