I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
