she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
