Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
