You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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