Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
