Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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