Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
