my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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