I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
