from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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