hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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