Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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