Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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