hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
