his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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