When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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