I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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