And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
