I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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