I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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