her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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