yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
