Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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