That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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