I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
