I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
