i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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