miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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