u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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