I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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