she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
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I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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