I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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