Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
