That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
